09 Apr 07
Spam - Do Something Soapbox
Every now and then I get sent spam and junk email. I don't really mind, this is the sort of thing you expect these days with email, and the Apple Mail application has a fairly good spam filter which has stopped almost all rubbish appearing in my Inbox.
What really grinds my teeth though, are the people I frequently call my friends, who forward on junk emails to me. I would like to think that I have surrounded myself with a network of friends who are, on the whole, intelligent people. Most of them went to University, and some of them even did degrees that meant something! So when its these allegedly intelligent souls who send me emails because they truly believe it will make their true love kiss them before the day is out, or stop some homicidal maniac with a meat cleaver and a blackberry ending said senders life, I would hope I am forgiven for getting rather annoyed.
A few weeks back, I got the following email forwarded to me:
Sorry to break the news, but looks like all of those warnings were real! The use of msn and mail will cost money from summer 2007. If you send this message to 18 different people from your list your little msn icon will become blue and that will make it free for you. If you don't believe me go on (www.msn.com) and see it yourself. Don't forward this message, copy paste it so people will actually read it.
The message continues, including the supposed names of "Andy and john the directors of MSN" (sic) but jumping to the end...
WHO EVER DOES NOT SEND THIS MESSAGE, YOUR ACCOUNT WILL BE CLOSED AND YOU WILL COST $10.00 A MONTH TO USE. SEND THIS TO EVERYONE ON YOUR CONTACT LIST.NOW YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. PLEASE DO NOT FORWARD THIS or REPLAY. COPY THE WHOLE EMAIL. GO BACK TO YOUR INBOX AND CLICK ON NEW. AND PASTE THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION
Now first off, let's point out the obvious. This email is poorly spelt, grammatically inaccurate, and all relevant Microsoft trademark names change case several times. Come on guys, do you really think the Directors of MSN would not capitalise their own names? Or know the correct way to write a press release? Furthermore, you are going to be charged $10 a month for a closed service? Furthermore would they ask you for forward the email, or send out special MSN service Emails which are clearly marked in your inbox? Or make a mistake in the wording of the company? I also draw your attention to the idea that MSN icons will change colour because you've emailed 18 people... the moon will be turning blue before your MSN icons will.
The Reply
This particular hoax has been floating around on the internet since December 1999, and in its life-span has been aimed at Hotmail, Yahoo Mail, the MSN IM service, and MySpace. So when I was sent this email I was compelled to do something about it... I replied to the idiot who sent it to me in the first place. I won't name names here, as not only did I reply to the girl that sent it to me, but also sent it to the other poor sods that she had inflicted her stupidity on.
People who forward emails trying to be "helpful":
1) That Nigerian who wanted to put money in your account? He isn't real, and if you do send money to him, you will be interviewed by the news media- so that an example can be made of you, and everyone can feel good that they aren't as dumb as you.
2) You will find out major changes to MSN on BBC News before the Directors of Microsoft email you.
3) If ANY email asks you to email other people, (for whatever reason), its not real. No, Bill Gates won't give out his millions, no kittens will not be saved from mechanical mincing, and icons will not change colour. Seriously, you are just putting additional strain on the systems thought up in the late 80s, which were never intended for idiots like you to come and forward junk to one another.
Come on people- you are going to be responsible for the next generation, voting for the leader of the country in a time when International Diplomacy is more important than ever. If you idiots can't even tell the difference between a fraudulent email and a fucking toaster then shoot yourself... no I am serious, take yourself out of the gene pool, let your duff combination of DNA end with you. I won't be sorry, you'll be doing mankind, as a whole a favor, if you don't get involved with the whole "evolving" deal.
If you have never sent a chain email, and have just been a recipient of such pointless digital rubbish; remember the Golden Rule: Don't give idiots your real email address.
Adam Wilcox
I got a few replied to my email, some in support of what I said:
I thought it was very well put.
To the not quite supportive...
Stop being a grumpy idiot Adam. I forwarded one email and you feel that needs a response as low as insulting me.
And...
Fucking hell adam, chill out. no need to be so harsh!! sometimes people would rather forward a fake email than risk leaving it and it being real. for example, the one about date rape drugs. yeh it was fake but it still makes people more aware and vigilent for themselves.
Anyway who the fuck do you think you are?!!!!! YEH SERIOUSLY
Now I suppose, yes, you could say I was being a bit hash. You're wrong, but I can understand why you would think that.
Now I'm sorry, but gone are the days when you can be internet naive, an online luddite. I'm not expecting everybody in the world to suddenly become an expert in C++, know the inner workings of DNS, or even know what a Apache HTTP Server actually is. But you have to know the basics of email. Today almost every job requires you to have a basic understanding of Windows, Word and how to send an email. And as the months roll on, its not just the sad geeky types who have to understand the complicated stuff, the general users like you and me honestly have to start trying to understand the fundamentals. Today, you and I have to be able to spot a fraudulent email. Idiots lose thousands of pounds a year, because of their internet naivety. It really isn't that difficult to tell when an email is real or not, but if you can't even tell when an email from MSN is just a online chain letter, how will you ever know the difference between a fraudulent site and the real Halifax, or Ebay, or Paypal?
So was I being unkind? Or was I pointing out, (albeit rather bluntly), that you can't let yourself be fooled by this sort of thing any more. The Internet is the most powerful, enlightening tool that mankind has ever possessed. But in the wise words of Uncle Ben to Peter Parker, "with great power, comes great responsibility". It truly does, but that responsibility is in your hands.
I'm sorry if I offended anyone, but hopeful this will prompt you into finding out more, and how to learn to protect yourself.